Before I write this please know that when I talk about feeling pressure I don’t mean from anyone but myself. The only person putting pressure on me, is me and it’s something I really didn’t expect to start doing. Of course we all put pressure on ourselves at times, sometimes a little more than we should, okay a lot more; but I feel like lately I’ve let that all build up.
When I started minimalising my life I felt the benefits instantly. The house was clearer and my mind was clearer. I felt more productive, more proactive, more energised and most importantly more positive! I’ve been calmer and more passionate about my work, I’ve had more drive and I’ve just genuinely felt like I’d blocked out all of the fuzz and unnecessary factors in my life and was the most ‘me’ version of me, I hope that makes sense.
After a while though I realised that although life changing, monumentally so; minimalising your life doesn’t solve solutions forever. You still make mess, you still get stressed and you’re still on occasion a shouty mum. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m nothing like I was before. The mess is less and it’s easier the clear up. The stress is more manageable and the shouty mum only comes out when the ice is really that thin, so you’d have thought I’d appreciate that right? Wrong. I don’t like to think of myself as naive, I’m quite realistic and I did know that I wasn’t going to turn into this perfectly happy and positive person all of the time but for some reason the occasional mess, the every so often stress and the once in a while shouty mum makes me feel so much worse than the all-the-time-combo I felt like I was living by before.
I guess it’s because before I had a reason; or maybe an excuse I’d call it. It was messy because we had too much stuff. I was stressed because everything was so unorganised. I was a shouty mum because of the latter. It didn’t make it better but I understood it. Now though, why is there mess when we have less stuff? Why am I stressed when my inbox is kept organised and my desk is in order? Why am I a shouty mum when I spend my days preaching positivity? I know the answer; we’re humans, we make mess (especially those mini ones). I’m a mum, wife and work full time hours, I’m going to get stressed. A combination of the two plus a threenager peaking early is what’s making me a shouty mum as well as what can only be described this week as a bag of moany, crying, stressed out nerves.
I’ve spent my week feeling so down and it’s a just such vicious cycle. Something happens – I get stressed – I let something else happen because I’m stressed. If it’s not been one thing it’s been another and all the while in the back of my head I’m feeling like I’m failing because ‘this minimalism thing should have solved this’. BUT, I’ve allowed myself the time to chill, cry, get annoyed and quite frankly get over it.
Today I’ve decided to get out of my funk and try to turn it into something of a positive. We all need the time to just recoup, we have to show our emotions and maybe I’ve kept a lot in after last year and just tried too hard to be positive for everyone else. I say that, but I haven’t been trying; it’s all come so naturally, I’ve felt great until this week but our subconscious minds hide a lot don’t they?
Even whilst writing this I’ve had a little cry to my mum on the phone and a moan to my friend Lucie but I’m still determined to get back to the positive and happy me with the knowledge that I’m not failing, it’s just a bad week and minimalism has still changed my life for the better.
Well that ended up going way off track haha, thank you for being my personal therapists and I’m sorry if you came on here looking for some kind of minimalism-related chat. Although I will say, if you can take one thing from this, minimalism is a way of life but it doesn’t change you. It changes the factors that affect you but it’s ultimately down to you how to react to them. It’s okay to make mess and to feel stressed and now that I’ve hopefully realised that, I can carry on as me with my wonderfully minimalised life.
Thanks for reading,