Motherhood can be very lonely. It’s great if you have a big family and lots of friends but there are still the odd moments when you feel quite alone. The 3am feed for example (which thanks to #teamupallnight on Twitter doesn’t make you feel quite the loner of the party) or the moment baby JUST WONT STOP CRYING.
I’m very lucky in that I have a large family who all live really close to me. I also have some great best friends, some of whom have babies themselves; but when I had Jasper I decided I wanted to get out and meet more mummies who had babies the same age as him.
I planned to go to classes, meet mums and develop long standing relationships where the kiddies would grow up together and me and Pete would double date with their parents … it would all just happen … in my head.
Last week I started at Hartbeeps baby class in Kiddicare. It was a fab group and I couldn’t wait to go again this week. There were lots of other mums there who all seemed really lovely but I couldn’t help but feel a bit on my own. It wasn’t intentional, it’s just that the other mums had been going together since their kiddies were Jaspers age (they’re now around 6 months). They knew each other, they were friends and I was just some new person who’d come into the class and sat in the corner.
There was one mum next to me who made some conversation, telling me I’d know the songs off by heart soon and asking about Jasper; and of course they all cooed at how little he was and how they couldn’t remember their little ones ever being so small. Like I said, it wasn’t intentional at all. I didn’t try to start conversations with them, I didn’t ask for their numbers or if they wanted to meet up after; but when they all headed to the cafe after for a cuppa and slice of cake I did feel rather left out.
This week I was determined. I’d make more of an effort to speak with them, now that the initial first day nerves were over. Well of course the majority of women weren’t there and the new lot again, were all friends already. I spoke to the lady next to me, just general chatter about how beautiful her girl was and how grumpy Jasper was after his jabs but yet again, at the end of the class, I headed to the feeding area on my own.
Once in the feeding room I had my third chance at a bit of mummy befriending! 3 women who were sat in the cafe as I walked past all came in to feed their little ones. I passed up soo many opportunities to join in the conversation but eventually when they were talking about routines at nighttime I jumped in! One ladies little girl was 7 weeks and had no routine, so I said that at 8 weeks Jasper still didn’t so not to worry. I was in! We chatted for a good half hour about labour and feeding and our partners … all while the little ones fed away.
They’d all met at antenatal class which made me realise I should have gone to one. I’d have met lovely ladies at he same stage of pregnancy as me.
Anyway, after they babies had all finished we started packing up to go. There were a few odd mentions of a future meet ‘do you guys come here every week?’, ‘whats the class you go to like?’ but in the end it left on ‘well if you come here a lot I’m sure we’ll see you again’.
I’m so sure that if I’d said ‘can I join you guys next time?’ or ‘let me take your number, I’ll let you know about the class Jasper does’ they would have been more than happy. They may have even thought I wouldn’t want to join them or I’d have asked. Or maybe they were just happy in their 3… you never know.
I felt so silly for not just putting myself out there but I’m determined next week to make friends. These classes aren’t just for Jaspers development or our bonding, they’re for me to socialise too. Plus mummy making friends means more friends for Jasper anyway!
Confidence boost needed for next week please!