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Making mummy friends

Motherhood can be very lonely. It’s great if you have a big family and lots of friends but there are still the odd moments when you feel quite alone. The 3am feed for example (which thanks to #teamupallnight on Twitter doesn’t make you feel quite the loner of the party) or the moment baby JUST WONT STOP CRYING.

I’m very lucky in that I have a large family who all live really close to me. I also have some great best friends, some of whom have babies themselves; but when I had Jasper I decided I wanted to get out and meet more mummies who had babies the same age as him.

I planned to go to classes, meet mums and develop long standing relationships where the kiddies would grow up together and me and Pete would double date with their parents … it would all just happen … in my head.

Last week I started at Hartbeeps baby class in Kiddicare. It was a fab group and I couldn’t wait to go again this week. There were lots of other mums there who all seemed really lovely but I couldn’t help but feel a bit on my own. It wasn’t intentional, it’s just that the other mums had been going together since their kiddies were Jaspers age (they’re now around 6 months). They knew each other, they were friends and I was just some new person who’d come into the class and sat in the corner.

There was one mum next to me who made some conversation, telling me I’d know the songs off by heart soon and asking about Jasper; and of course they all cooed at how little he was and how they couldn’t remember their little ones ever being so small. Like I said, it wasn’t intentional at all. I didn’t try to start conversations with them, I didn’t ask for their numbers or if they wanted to meet up after; but when they all headed to the cafe after for a cuppa and slice of cake I did feel rather left out.

This week I was determined. I’d make more of an effort to speak with them, now that the initial first day nerves were over. Well of course the majority of women weren’t there and the new lot again, were all friends already. I spoke to the lady next to me, just general chatter about how beautiful her girl was and how grumpy Jasper was after his jabs but yet again, at the end of the class, I headed to the feeding area on my own.

Once in the feeding room I had my third chance at a bit of mummy befriending! 3 women who were sat in the cafe as I walked past all came in to feed their little ones. I passed up soo many opportunities to join in the conversation but eventually when they were talking about routines at nighttime I jumped in! One ladies little girl was 7 weeks and had no routine, so I said that at 8 weeks Jasper still didn’t so not to worry. I was in! We chatted for a good half hour about labour and feeding and our partners … all while the little ones fed away.

They’d all met at antenatal class which made me realise I should have gone to one. I’d have met lovely ladies at he same stage of pregnancy as me.

Anyway, after they babies had all finished we started packing up to go. There were a few odd mentions of a future meet ‘do you guys come here every week?’, ‘whats the class you go to like?’  but in the end it left on ‘well if you come here a lot I’m sure we’ll see you again’.

I’m so sure that if I’d said ‘can I join you guys next time?’ or ‘let me take your number, I’ll let you know about the class Jasper does’ they would have been more than happy. They may have even thought I wouldn’t want to join them or I’d have asked. Or maybe they were just happy in their 3… you never know.

I felt so silly for not just putting myself out there but I’m determined next week to make friends. These classes aren’t just for Jaspers development or our bonding, they’re for me to socialise too. Plus mummy making friends means more friends for Jasper anyway!

photo 1-88Confidence boost needed for next week please!

12 thoughts on “Making mummy friends”

  1. It is hard making new friends when you’re a grown up. Kids just do it so naturally! I love how they make friends so easily wherever they go! We should be more like them and not worry about what people might think!x

    1. I know, Rhys just toddles up to kids at nursery and joins in with them, I really wish I could. I’m fine once I’m ‘in’ it’s just that initial meeting part tuts so tricky!

  2. I had to read this post in two parts due to the fact that it hit quite a nerve with me and I could feel myself starting to well up. Just before I fell pregnant with Jasmine, we moved to a different part of country due to Stephen’s work relocating. I love it here and it’s a beautiful town but I have no friends or family around me and it makes being a mummy extremely lonely. Some days Stephen works long hours and I can be on my own for 11 or 12 hours a day.

    I did a baby massage course but never really ‘clicked’ with the other mums in the way that they seemed to with each other (all of their babies were slightly closer together in age). I’ve also recently started a 6 week Early Days course which my health visitor put me on because I told her it was important for me to meet other mums. I was really pleased that I would be starting a group where all the mummies would be in the same boat. So, imagine my horror when the first week I turn up and it would seem that all of the other mums already know each other (they’d done the NCT antenatal classes together) – it felt so cliquey and I just sat there with Jasmine asleep in my arms feeling like a right chump. I’ll admit I am naturally quite a shy person so joining in their conversation seemed too difficult for me, I could just about manage a lot of smiling and head-nodding.

    The thing is, making mummy friends is so important to me that I’m extremely conscious of seeming over-keen or even desperate. I don’t want to over-compensate and push people away so I end up just doing nothing at all. You seem like a very approachable, confident and outgoing lady so I find it comforting to know that you’ve felt the same way. I really hope you’re feeling braver next week and maybe it’ll spur me on to be a bit braver too. No pressure! ;)

    Thanks for sharing this Jess. (Sorry for the essay!)

    1. Thanks so much for being so open and honest :) It’s great to know that others feel the same (well not great but reassuring lol).Sometime it is like school ground and I really don’t want Jasper to grow up around cliqueyness, We should both make a pact to really try next week to get in with the cool kids haha

      Where a bouts do you live again? We should all plan a meet! xxx

  3. This is one of the parts of mummyhood I am most excited/nervous about!

    I have the same vision in my head of meeting all these lovely new mums and our babies being the best of friends, but I can be really shy when I first meet people! I know what you mean about that initial ‘in’, after that it’s totally fine but it’s just about being brave and taking that first step!

    Just remember you’ve already done the bravest thing, giving birth and becoming a mummy! If you can do that, you can do anything :)

    Let us know how next week goes, I’m sure you will be fine!

    We should all try and arrange a blogging mummy meet up soon too, that would be fun!! Xx

    1. Aww thanks lovely, thats so true! After birth I can do anything :D Yes we definitely need one, I want to meet all of you lovely blogging friends :)

  4. This is something that I struggled with as well – about this time last year in fact! When you’ve been up all night it’s difficult to be the life and soul of the party. Keep at it and you’ll get there. You’ve got the right attitude. And if you genuinely can’t find people you click with then they are probably not your type of people. Just because someone is a mummy doesn’t mean you’ll have loads in common. Try another group. I popped along to three or four before I settled and made friends I still see regularly now I’m back to work xxx

    1. Thats so true, mummy hood doesn’t make you an automatic match. I love the group so I’m hoping it’ll work out – I’d stay there even if I never made friends as it’s fab for Jasper but I’d have to go and find other ones where I can make friends for my benefit :)

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